Oh Joy

So I've just found out that my sister is pregnant. Which should be amazing. It is amazing - for her. However I feel a list is appropriate of why it is not for me:


1. I have not seen her in 5 years because she lives in California and I live in England. This makes it real that no matter how much you can speak to someone on Skype it is not the same.


2. I have not met her boyfriend (see reason 1). Although I am assured he is lovely and not a psycho/thief/alcoholic/paedophile/baby killer. They have been together for a few years.


3. My mother does not know yet. She is possibly physco/alcoholic; minus thief/paedophile/baby killer. I hope.


3.1. I feel this point needs to be extended as my mother is a force of nature unto herself. She will, when she finds out, probably turn to me and severely harass me to get pregnant myself. Or to somehow convince my sister to unpregnate because it is against the natural order.


4. I am 4 years older than her. She is 20. I will be 25 next week. The little nagging voice that I need to get my act together and get out of bar work is slightly, annoyingly, louder now.


5. I cannot have alcohol to try and cope with this information because like a prick I gave up thinking it was for some better good. Pah. Plus my boyfriend would then be able to turn around with many "I told you so's" as he does not believe I can stay tee-total forever. I am stubborn. I will be right.


6. I will have to go to California to see this child when it enters the world and simultaneously have to deal with my mother. See point 3. And 3.1.


7. My sister announced she will be marrying her boyfriend before the baby is born. Another piece of information I am unsure how to deal with. Considering background checks to ensure he is not paedophile/thief/wanted by the government for a reason of your choosing.


I know I sound horrible. I am happy for my sister, I really am. However writing this, I am learning I must be exceedingly self-obsessed as I am making it all about me. Whatever. It's my blog.


I guess I just thought it would be me first. I am the oldest. My sister was worried about telling me for this reason. As long as her baby is healthy, that's what's truly important. However since I cannot even succeed in getting my boyfriend off the Playstation, chances are I will remain unpregnant, unmarried and buy more and more fish/dogs/plants until the Playstation breaks or I live in a jungle full of so many fish/dogs/plants that I have bought to console myself that he will not ever be able to find me. And then probably buy an X-box.


For some ridiculous reason that I cannot explain I bought myself a pregnancy test today. It was negative. I am not entirely certain what I was thinking except that I am sure it confirms on some level I am insane. Here I go with another list:


Reasons why I am happy not to be pregant:


1. I can keep smoking. In fact I think I will smoke more. Just because I can.


2. I can up my caffeine intake.


3. I can drink. Should I ever choose to again. Bollocks.


4. I'm not ready. Neither is my boyfriend. A good reason I feel.


5. I can pick up heavy things (... struggling now with good reasons).


I am bored of making lists now. I'm going to celebrate by eating the takeaway The Tall Boy has just bought. Which I'm sure is another thing pregnant humans are advised to give up. Yum.




The Fake Brunette